About Lift Legends Simulator:
Man, the desire to meme here is real, but I’ll try my best to keep it professional: Lift It is not worth any meaningful amount of money, however if you can acquire it through a bundle, Steam sale, a friend playing a gift prank on you, or drunk Steam shopping, you definitely should try it out. Lift It is a hellish mess of glued-together concepts, awful 3d models, and repetitive gameplay elements, but boy did I get some good laughs out of it. I’m genuinely curious if 89AM Studios is a couple of 15-year-olds making a project for a programing class or if this game is the work of some present day gamer David Lynch; either way this game is equal parts horrible and genius. Let’s just break it down shall we? Pros: +Described on paper, this game has about everything your modern gamer desires in one package. +Hour(s?) of amusement . +There’s multiplayer?. Cons: -Graphics of a year 2000-esque PC game with random 2010-ish gloss and water effects thrown in. -Characters models all look deformed or addicted to steroids. -There’s a couple of pre-set resolutions to chose from…all of which look awful on a 16:10 monitor. -No option to change the controls what-so-ever. -W&S keys move forwards and backwards, but A&D do not strafe for some reason. -You walk slow as hell and the sprint key makes you run at a hilariously inhuman pace. -Even with being able to run the game world is entirely too big. -I don’t think there’s a text menu in the game without a spelling or grammar error. -The core of the game is mashing the up key. That’s it. -I’m not sure it’s possible to ‘beat’ the game without using a macro to mash the up key as fast as technically possible. I barely beat the last ‘boss’ with a macro set to mash the up key at .01 millisecond intervals, so be prepared to flex those finger muscles if you plan to play this legitimately. -The game is also entirely grinding. You mash the up key to gain stats. You then mash the up some more key to beat gym leaders and get “golds”. You spend the golds to buy armor and fight people. That’s the whole game. -Golds also take entirely too long to earn; in order to unlock top tier armor you would need to play this game for hundreds of hours. -Fighting is stiff, confusing, and boring. -I can’t even begin to describe the music choices in this game. I can’t walk into a gym without laughing hysterically because of how amusing hearing a ‘hard rock’ version of Auld Lang Syne is. -NOBODY’S BUTTS ARE ANIMATED. WHEN YOU RUN YOUR BUTT STAYS PERFECTLY IN PLACE WHILE THE REST OF YOU MOVES. -Dying just punts you back to the main menu; hope you saved! -The ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ eyelashes In summary, 10/10, get in the alpha early and start getting those GAINZ
